A Stitching Odyssey: Loving A Person, Not Their Gender...

Did you ever read Social Media and the Myth of Perfection? Wearing History's thought-provoking post back in May really resonated with me, especially the part where she shared old blog pictures coupled with a brief description of what was really going on in her life at the time. About 19 months ago, my beautiful girlfriend (my then boyfriend) told me she is transgender, meaning the gender she was assigned at birth didn't match how she felt inside. The first couple of months were tough on us both - for her finally admitting and accepting her truth, and for me getting to grips with what it meant for our future. Truth be told, I still feel a little melancholy looking back at photos from that time, especially the ones in this post and this post, where I was feeling at my absolute lowest. Yet, you probably would never have guessed something was up, right? It's a great reminder for me to think of the human behind the blogger, no matter how polished a blogger might appear. Not that I count myself as a polished blogger by the way!

As a firm believer that life is too short to live a lie, I've been supportive of my girlfriend from day one. But her news left me struggling to see how our nine-year relationship could continue. As someone who identifies as heterosexual living in a heteronormative society, I was unsure when she asked me to continue to love her and not her gender. I can't tell you how happy I am that I delved into educating myself on transgender matters, speaking to people with experience and generally opening my mind like never before.

With my existential crisis under control, it all boiled down to the fact that this beautiful human being had carried this burden with her since her early teens, so I'm just grateful that she finally addressed it and trusted me with it. She started her medical transition just over a year ago with Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) and over the next  few months and years there will be other changes too. Our recent trip to Spain was so she could undergo Facial Feminisation Surgery. It was gruelling (for us both), but she's recovering really well and is looking incredible already! If you've been a long-standing fan of my partner's hilarious comments about my makes, fear not, for Charlotte is just as honest and opinionated!

As you can imagine, I've learned an awful lot over the last 19 months. I'm truly grateful to have met some wonderful friends through this journey and to have had the opportunity to grow as a person too. I've also heard heartbreaking stories of the many transgender people who have suffered abuse, rejection, loss...all for daring to be true to themselves. It makes me all the more grateful for the love and support of all of our friends and family...without them, this journey would have been much harder for us both.

Being transgender isn't a choice, but choosing to transition in a society that still has a long way to go in embracing diversity is incredibly brave. For this reason alone, I've never felt prouder of my excruciatingly shy Charlotte, who has faced her journey to date with a lot of patience and grace.

By the way, in case you've been wondering about the shirts pictured above, this post has everything to do with sewing! Initially, I liked the idea of holding on to memories of my partner by using old shirts to create a 'memorial' quilt, much like Handmade Jane did beautifully here and here. But I've realised that I don't want to mourn a person who is still very much alive and well. We still have our cherished memories and we're busy creating more.

I did hold on to two shirts though...because double gauze is just too good to part with. Charlotte's pretty slim so they're certainly not big enough to refashion for myself, but if we do decide to have children down the line I can use them to make something sweet and snuggly then.

I'm also way more excited about the prospect of making clothes for Charlotte now than I ever was before, so watch this space. I mean, I'm still too selfish to go all out, but the odd present now and again might be nice. I started how I mean to go on earlier this year, by making her double gauze, hippo-print pyjama bottoms for Valentine's Day. Aren't they cute?!? 

It's been a rollercoaster of a journey so far, but the most important lesson I've learned, is that it's absolutely possible to love a person and not their gender. Love is just love. If it's genuine and strong, it doesn't change or diminish just because circumstances have.

Anyway, if you've made it to the end of this epic post, then thank you. To find out more about the challenges transgender people often face and why it's absolutely crucial that we show support and understanding, please watch this feature on Last Week Tonight with John Oliver.